This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
