Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
