I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
