she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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