We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
