Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
