just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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