Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
