Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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