This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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