This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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