I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
