last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize