we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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