Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
