Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize