Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
