Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
