Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
