she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
