a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
