dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
