I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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