Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize