I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
