Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
be right there i have to get my cape
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
