dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize