OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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