dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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