i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
