Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
