She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
