Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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