What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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