Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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