Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
