so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
