You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
