I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
