I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
