I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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