My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
