I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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