I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
