I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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