You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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