didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
