I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize