this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
