so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize