I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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