I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize