idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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