I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
