I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
