the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
