dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
