if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
