I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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