Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
