I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
