I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
