there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize