Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
