My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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