she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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