Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
