Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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