Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
