I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
