me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
