I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
